Amanza Smith Gets Special Neck Tattoo after a Year of Hardship | PEOPLE.com – PEOPLE

amanza-smith-gets-special-neck-tattoo-after-a-year-of-hardship-|-people.com-–-people

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"We are not in control of this thing we call life," the reality star, whose ex-husband and the father of her children disappeared in 2019, wrote on Instagram Wednesday

Abigail Adams photo

The Selling Sunset star, 44, showed off her ink in a collection of photos and videos from her appointment shared Wednesday on Instagram. The tattoo says that says "Let Go, Let God," a phrase Smith says "I try to live by."

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"New tatt who [dis]?" she wrote in the caption before detailing the meaning she found in the phrase now etched into her skin.

"We are not in control of this thing we call life," she wrote in the caption. "There is a power soooooo much greater than us! When you feel lost, confused, frustrated, scared, sad, anxious, hurt, alone or any of the other many emotions that have a tendency to hold us back- just let go and God will do the rest! Love you guys!"

The reality star received plenty of support from fans and friends in her comment section. Fellow Selling Sunset star Davina Potratz and Bling Empire's Christine Chiu responded with a flood of red heart emojis, while Chiu added a trio of praying hands.

Internet personality Hannah Stocking also jumped in with "No! I wanted to tat u this!"

"We still are! Call me I'm back we will do ASAP! đŸ¤ª," Smith replied.

amanza smith

Credit: amanza smith/ instagram

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It has been a tumultuous year for Smith, who was awarded full custody of her two kids — daughter Noah, 11, and son Braker, 10 — in October after the children's father and Smith's ex-husband Ralph Brown disappeared. 

According to court docs previously obtained by PEOPLE, the reality star had not seen or heard from the former NFL player, whom she divorced in 2012, since August 2019. The couple had shared 50/50 custody until that point.

amanza smith

Credit: amanza smith/ instagram

After the ruling, Smith told PEOPLE in a statement that she was "relieved" that the process was over. "It's been incredibly hard on me and especially the children," she said at the time.

"We will never be 'over' the absence of their father," she added, "but hopefully we can move forward in a more positive way now that we are unhindered by the legal obstacles that prevented me from making the decisions that are best for us as a family of three."

A rep for Smith said, "This incredibly difficult process was sadly necessary to allow Amanza to make decisions for the welfare of the children that joint custody has prevented, such as getting them in therapy to help them deal with the loss of their father."

amanza smith

Credit: amanza smith/ instagram

Smith learned of his disappearance while filming season 2 of Selling Sunset in August 2019. In February, Smith told PEOPLE that she was "on a mission to figure out what the hell is going on" with her ex.

"I made the choice to put my life on a television show, and when I made that choice this wasn't our reality, but it is now," Smith said at the time. "So I may as well use the platform to try to figure out how to get some answers."

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