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There are many that would read my articles or hear me on the radio and assume I was raised by wolves or worse……jungless. Which is funny because I lost my virginity at 20, had my first drink at 21 and, if I’m being honest, I’m not proud of that FIRST drink….
It was Pineapple rum with fruit punch and a splash of metrosexual. Poured over feminine ice and shaken until my dad was disappointed #NotKidding
But before those 2 incidents (that were all too brief) I was a staunch, 6 day a week, church going, Bible verse reciting, 5 choir singing, emotionally insecure, chubby church kid just trying to cop a feel in the back of the church cemetary with a young lady that obviously didn’t know her worth at the time.
For many of you this is a nightmare. For many church kids this was a sexual proving ground but lets leave all that real talk for our therapists shall we?
So I’m not being ignorant or contrarian when I say that we are absolutely NOT a Christian nation and its about time we have this conversation.
It’s funny that I use the word “contrarian”. Contrarian implies that I’m speaking against the general belief of the majority. But is that true? How many times have we seen people imply it online, say it amongst friends or even hint at it only for their voices to be muffled by cowards who don’t wanna deal with the truth….at least not right now? What I am saying is not controversial OR provocative because deep down we ALL know it.
It’s as true as Kingsway not having a pool.
For all the cookies GENERATIONS of my family sold for y’all niggas y’all wan full tuition during a pandemic and still…no pool. Is this….the King’s Way? #iWillRemindY’allOfThisEveryArticleYouHearMe?
So lets not pretend like I’m coming out of left field with this.
Now, do not confuse me……we have amazing churches and amazing Christians on this island. I hold nothing back and there is no sarcasm in my words when saying this. There are churches that stood up during this pandemic and fed the hungry, clothed the naked, and didn’t ask for a penny. They did it after Dorian, they do it in between crisis’ and chances are they’ll always do it. Churches are like politicians: The minority take the bad rap for the majority when really there are some roses in the bunch.
Looka my rose (bae). You better stop with these Anita Baker haircuts before KFC open Monday and we in a 6 piece, chicken only entanglement. #LordHearMyPrayer
I would name the churches but I am SURE they would want nothing to do with me…..except maybe one as they, like very FEW churches, accept you as you are and that’s New Providence Community Church.
Y’all called them the white demonic church because of art installations and because niggas had on cargo shorts in church ine forget #Y’allDumb
Let that sink in.
No, REALLY, let that sink in.
For years I saw on my own church door a sign that read, “Women, no pants”.
I saw that and thought that was normal. I thought it was normal to single women out and tell them, to their face on a sign that they had to read EVERY Sunday, “You’re not equal because of some shit our colonizers taught us”. How do you even explain to women your logic behind that archaic and asinine rule?
”….so yeah after slavery and the lynchings etc, we decided the one thing we’d keep was the religion they used to justify the slavery and lynchings etc, and that religion says no pants so…..yeah….dresses”
Imagine being so warped and so conditioned that you saw a church where they take you as you are: gay, straight, tattooed, pierced, poor, rich, vegan, burdened, hurt etc and they….…and I’m about to blow the shit out of your mind….you ready? They did it all in…..
CASUAL CLOTHING NOOOOOOOOOO THE DEVIL IS IN THEM THE DEVIL IS IN THE POLO!!!!
And yes, I know y’all NOW have your casual Sundays in Baptist churches but let’s not forget that they were the first to accept EVERYONE. Imagine that. An island saturated with churches and only one actually did what Jesus said to do.
“Judge not, lest ye be judged”
Oh, and make no mistake, I was right there with you. I thought they were out of their minds. Y’all ain even iron y’all clothes 2 hours before church and y’all is only be in church for an hour? Not the way I was raised. Way I was raised you had to give Jesus at LEAST 5hrs out of your Sunday morning and at least 3-4 hours out of your Sunday night.
I can see Jesus now in heaven confused…
“Didn’t I tell niggas worship me EVERY day? Why they consolidating this praise? I’m missing Real Housewives Of Sodom & Gomorrah for this, bey!” #OkButThatShowSoundsLitTho”
It was unchristian of me to to judge them and unchristian of ALL of us “Christians” at the time.
But it’s not even about the label. We don’t act like Christians. Again, for the one commenter that’s gonna come under this post after reading one curse word and go, “No….his words sully my pure heart”…..ya, you’re the person I’m talking about.
See we forget that Jesus didn’t hang with niggas that DIDN’T curse. There’s not a single story or parable of Jesus doing something amazing that didn’t revolve around someone like me and I’m not even that bad. While I spend my Saturday nights drinking alone and eating my weight into high cholesterol, Jesus was out there with prostitutes and gamblers trying to talk them into a better life. Y’all scream for peace and patience when it comes to how the government is screwing us.
Meanwhile Jesus was with the shits.
If they had raised the VAT once on the poor, in Jesus’s time, he would want ALL the smoke. Niggas AND gals could get it #MyJesusBetterThanY’allOwn
When last y’all saw a pastor walk into any bar or hotel on this island……without their sweetheart? Nowadays they’re too smart for hotels but we all know THIS maneuver….
Married Pastor Altima + Married Deaconess Honda/Empty Parking Lot= Entanglement #QuickMaths
When last y’all saw their fancy car pull up to a club, brothel, or ANYWHERE us “sinners” are?
Ok maybe brothel is a run out but you get my gist. Can you imagine a Bahamian brothel?
“OH JESUS THE WIFE SHOW UP CALL THE POLICE MARGARET. GADDAMN IT MARGARET ITS TRACKS AND WEAVE EVERYWHERE CALL THE POLICE FOR SHIT SAKE!!!”
VERY few, if any, of our pastors or congregation do that…..except for the Jehovah’s Witnesses who, if we’re being fair, carry out their religion to a fault. It was 187 degrees the other weekend and niggas was out on the road with umbrellas, no-grip shoes and Jehovah.
They did NOT come to play.
“I see y’all home. Minnis ga kill us with the foolishness he doin so misewell join the 144,000 one time”
But maybe that’s low hanging fruit.
It’s easy to excuse your way out of going to bars and say you fear for your safety. Its easy to say due to covid you didn’t welcome people into your church who may have lost jobs, apartments, etc. I haven’t seen ANY laying of hands on the sick and poor since the pandemic. What happen to all the prophecy and Jesus powers y’all had pre-Corona?
Did Jesus take covid off or…..?
“…so I was like bey, I done tired from Dorian now y’all wan me heal Covid? I just need couple months to catch myself and get to know me, myself and I again…ya know?. #SelfCare”
The arguments against my words will be endless straw man attempts to justify bullshit. So then I’ll ask this: What about the wage gap in this country? Is that Christian like? Y’all tight about the gays and weed but why is the wage gap NEVER addressed? Or is poverty “God’s Plan”? While the christians were paying tithes the sinners were building generational wealth.
“….and then they give 10% of their earnings to the church for YEARS apparently and it’s not even a commandment or IN the Bible as a law LMAO”- Rich sinners
We have a middle class drowning while the rich get rich and the poor literally die. How is the present economic climate “Christian”? I would argue that its Christianity that GOT us in these predicaments.
Hear me out.
A known philanderer and cheater that is KNOWN to steal wants to be elected into a party. What’s the first thing he does?
Go to a well known church.
“Hi, I still have scotch and sex on my breath but I’m here so y’all think shit sweet”- Bahamian Politicians (Everyone Except Glenys because bae)
Then the pastor, who either is too naïve to care, too caught up in the clout of having said popular politician in his church to begin with OR, got a hefty tithing envelope from said politician……co-signs him.
Now the patrons minds are swayed.
The politician gets elected, does nothing for the church but attend some state funeral where he clearly doesn’t give a shit and does the exact same thing he was doing before that very church service. He is NOT held accountable, he has NOT changed but once he stands in front of a television audience and says “God” and a few newly learned Bible verses, ya know what some idiot on Facebook says when he’s being criticized?
“HE PRAYED BEFORE HE RAISED VAT AND TOLD US WE WERE STUPID. HOW DARE YOU CHASTISE THIS RICH MAN THAT HAS DONE NOTHING FOR ME OR MY FAMILY!!!!”
Meanwhile, at their house….
“God and our Prime Minister have our back. We may be hungry with no power and no job and the pastor/MP ignoring our calls but God”#YallWillButGodToAnEarlyGrave
Question: Why is it when you need money the pastor tells you to ask God but when the church needs money they ask YOU for it?
Question: Why is it any time our prime minister is about to say something stupid or flipflop (again) he’s FULL of bible verses and Christian rhetoric but when it comes down to actually doing right by his people it’s our fault or he needs OUR help?
Politicians and Pastors are like bad fathers/mothers in a sense: The more distant and absent they are the more excited the people are when they actual come down from their pedestals. Think about it. What happens when a Pastor or Politician comes to the function?
“Yes….yes…I am here to do absolutely nothing for you and will take MORE from you…..now…… who made the macaroni for this event? One of you poors put 2 plates in my Benz to go.”
So who are we worshipping? God or our “one good pastor”? Or our “one good MP”?
And that’s what a Christian nation does?
Crime, RAMPANT pedophilia, adultery, drugs, extreme poverty….all now brought to light by this pandemic. Freeport is a mess, Abaco is a mess. NONE of these are quick fixes but, if we were a Christian nation we would have a, I don’t know, a council of Christian men and women READY to hold our government accountable for the nothing they do all the time.
I’m snowballing here but I’m thinking, and keep in mind I’m a simple man, but maybe we call them a…….Christian Council.
Hear me out.
Formed of GOOD, christian people ready to fight FOR the PEOPLE in God’s name based on his principles and teachings.
Wait…we do have one…I drew up a pic of the Bahamas Christian Council and Bahamian Politicians….can you spot who is who below?
They’re all gambling with our hard earned money and calling it a “righteous cause”….this is a tough one. A little help? #WhoIsWho?
They have been SILENT during this pandemic.
lol….ok, that’s a lie.
I wonder why they can’t just Zoom, Skype, Whatsapp, or live stream their services like EVERY other business? What’s the one thing missing I wonder?…..WAIT…..#JustSayYouWantThePeopleMoney
I guess maybe if the pandemic was a scantily clad, gay, Carnival going, weed smoking Rastafarian they would give a shit but, alas…..just poor people crying for help and Dorian victims that need counseling.
You gotta wake them up when another gay cruise comes in then they’ll be like….
“Ok, Someone call ALL the news stations we need a press conference STAT. Someone pull up my Bentley, pop the champagne one time and hurry up!!….daddy’s gotta get his Balenciagas out the trunk!”
I guess they need to focus on what’s important which is free popcorn and soda from the movies as they tell ADULTS what they can and cannot watch at the cinema.
And that’s where we are as a country.
Our pastors have sifted through the sins in the bible and decided only 4 or 5 of them matter and leave the rest “to jesus”. They ignore the sins of their OWN brothers of the cloth and expect us to understand that, “Thats THAT church not our flock” while simultaneously telling people not of their flock what to do and how to live.
The people worship their “good pastor” regardless of their blatant hypocrisy. Those same people worship the political parties that are co-signed, by said pastors, and all of this is to the tune of poverty, children being raped, a dangerous wage gap, unemployment on a level like we have never seen, and a middle class trying to keep their head above water one check at a time…..meanwhile the pastors have been on some….
“I know y’all broke and suffering and what not but we ga need them tithes aye” #MansionsAren’tCheap
To which I ask, again…..is this the King’s way? Are our islands a reflection of a country that TRULY practices what we so love to preach?
We are not and we have never been a “Christian Nation”.
We majoritively have christian churches but that certainly is not a reflection of our character and if you think otherwise then you haven’t been paying attention.
Countries that don’t posture and feign religion are doing AMAZING. Our “Christian Nation”? We wait for change that won’t come, for a heaven we will NEVER experience on earth but promised a fortune in death, and the rest of us wait for our politicians to change 47 years later.
Hey….but God, right?
Be safe tho
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